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I prayed for this

Prayed for 6 times.


Firstly, before I begin this prayer request, I want it clear that I will never kill myself and am NOT suicidal. I believe suicide is the express train to hell. The whole point of suicide is to make things better not worse. And as bad as my life is (and it's horrible), suicide would be like going from the frying pan into the fire. Figuratively and literally. The demons and many people in this life want me to kill myself, but I won't.

Now that that is out of the way, I pray that God either fixes my life, or takes it. It's too long and too hard and too much. I could go into detail, but for the sake of brevity I will not. I am overwhelmed and going insane with hopelessness and profound sadness and suffering. Not a friend in the world. Whether it be finances, relationships (or lack thereof), demonic attacks, my health, sanity, spiritual safety, I'm overwhelmed on all fronts.

My faith and love for God is dangerously low and I fear my salvation. That keeping me here is not only torture, but the perfect storm for failure and the demons are wringing their hands waiting for me to give up. I feel I'm hanging by a thread over a pit of fire and can't hold on anymore. I can't emphasize the gravitas of the situation enough that it is TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH! Take the loud off. Now. Not "wait for God's perfect timing". It's been decades. Not "patience is a virtue". Many who have waited for God's "perfect timing" have gone to hell waiting. Again, please pray God fixes my life or takes it. Strikes while the iron is hot as I hold on to repentance and faith, but I can't hold on much longer.

And if God does decide to mercifully kill me, let it be a peaceful happy death (with my cats so they don't suffer my loss). Let it be without pain, suffering, or fear, in the blink of an eye. This life is not "a gift". It's been a nightmare. I hate it and want to go home.

Received: January 4, 2024

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“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds.“ ~ Philippians 4:6-7